you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
