1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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