Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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