I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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