My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
