Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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