I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
In other news, I just burned my penis
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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