Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
