It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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