There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
