chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
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I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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