I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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