someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i wish my penis had a tongue
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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