If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
