I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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