I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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