You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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