JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
