so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
