Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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