At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
