out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
