I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
