what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
