My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
