Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
