well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
