You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
jump out the window naked night went bad
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
