I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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