so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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