We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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