About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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