Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
