I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
