Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
