Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
