2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
