big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
