i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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