There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
