I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
