I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
