Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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