I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
