i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
