I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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