My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
