Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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