Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
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