Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
