Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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