That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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