Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
