Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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