You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Randomize
